The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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