I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
