Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
