Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
