When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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