I hate all girls vehemently.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
