would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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