You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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