Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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