Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
