Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
