i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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