you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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