My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
