so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
