It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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