is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
