my phone needs a breathalizer
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
