she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
