Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
