i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
