I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
