apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
