sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
