it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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