OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
