so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
