Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
