Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
