I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
