My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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