We're like a lot better than the average bears
You can't special order awesome
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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