Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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