why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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