There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
