This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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