I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
