I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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