She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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