sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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