I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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