I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
