I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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