If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
