I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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