you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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