Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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