I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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