Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
