she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
