So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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