Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
