well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
