At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
