did you get engaged???
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
