chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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