Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
