Will you blow on my dice?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
