A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
