Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
