i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
