I met the friendliest cop last night
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
