So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
