Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
