HIV tests are more positive than that guy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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