we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
