You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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