I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
