Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
