You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
