So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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