mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
