I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
