Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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